The Green-Eyed-MOH-Montster

As obsessed as I am with my own potential nuptials, there has been another wedding that hasn't been far from my mind over the past 9 months. I am currently serving as MOH for my little sister, J. 

Her wedding will be in the fall of 2011, and her planning is just really getting underway.  Since I've been to numerous weddings and she and her fiance have only been to a couple, I am giving them lots of input (when they ask for it of course!) about what I have seen at other weddings, what worked, and what didn't.

I love my sister dearly.  I think her fiance is wonderful and that they will have a very happy life together.  I can't wait to be a part of their wedding and look back on it for years to come.

However, I have a dark secret to admit.  I wasn't always so excited about this.  I'm not very proud of the story I'm about to tell, but I think it is something that many waiting girls have to deal with, and since I've mustered some more insight and maturity over the past months, I feel comfortable sharing this.

Right around this time last year, I found out that my sister would probably be getting engaged soon.  We didn't know exactly when, but my mom alerted me to the fact it was coming sooner as opposed to later.

I lost it.  Like tears, and gut wrenching sadness lost it.  I sat there thinking to myself "I am the older sister.  I am supposed to go first.  It's supposed to be my thing to do first."  I was so firmly implanted in my own misery I couldn't bring myself to be happy for my sister.  The thought of her getting engaged, and therefor getting married before me brought out this intense, visceral reaction.

Completely irrational?  Yes.  Immature?  You betcha!  Could I control it?  Not so much.

I forgot about things for a little while, but then when my sister actually got engaged in mid-March, all the feelings returned.  Yes, I was able to put on a happy face, and tell her I was so excited for her (which I was) and accept her invitation to be her Maid of Honor, but inside my heart was breaking.  I don't know why but it really made me feel like a failure.  I selfishly concluded that her being engaged first would somehow reflect poorly on me.  I don't know where the feelings came from, but once they reared their ugly head, it was increasingly difficult to quiet them down.

Of course, I am not delusional.  I know I was being extremely petty and jealous.  Not to mention self centered.  It became consuming, I was having trouble concentrating on other things.  I would break down in tears.  I knew it couldn't continue.  I had to find a way to make sense of these feelings and move beyond my jealousy and immaturity.

I ended up having a talk with my sister about things.  I wanted to let her know that I was very happy for her and supported her, but that this was also very hard for me in some ways.  She was very understanding, which I appreciated.

Over the next couple of months, I kept my composure.  The sadness remained, but thankfully started to diminish.  I was able to have some constructive conversations with G. about our own engagement timeline.  And although I am still waiting, I was able to come to terms with it a bit more in the months that followed.  I focused on quietly allowing myself to daydream and pre-plan, and convinced myself that it would all work out for the best.

I am getting to benefit in some ways - I'm going to tastings and meetings with my sister, so I'm learning a lot about how things are done.  I'm able to keep a mental list of the caterers and dj's and photographers she likes so that when I am doing my planning, I can use this knowledge to help me.

Yes, I am going to have to wait longer because of this - I'll have to allow enough time after her wedding, before mine - but I am feeling much more zen about it than I was.  Learning of my sister's engagement brought out something really ugly in me, and I am certainly not proud of it.  I am glad I recognized how crazy I was being and tried to change it.  I certainly don't want to look back on this exciting time for my family and think that I wasted it by being so upset over something so silly.

thinking spring things

Unlike some of my fellow waiting ladies, I don't have a specific date in mind for us to get married.  I do have specific thoughts about seasons though.  I think I'd most like to get married in the spring ,when you can be outside without it being too hot and when everything gets all nice and green again.  I love the romance of spring, and I think the season would go well with the other images I have in mind.

When it comes to color, I alternate between a couple of general color palettes.  I found this amazing website called The Perfect Palette that has all sorts of great inspiration boards for any color palette you can imagine, and it's led me to thinking toward two different schemes.

All pictures in this thread are examples from Perfect Palette - not my own!  :)

First there's the very pastel, romantic route...

Source: The Perfect Palette

I love this combination of the aqua blue and the pale spring green.  I *love* green flowers - especially things like green roses and orchids.  This palette is clean and fresh and seems perfect for a spring ceremony.


Next is something a little brighter...

http://theperfectpalette.blogspot.com/2010/07/orange-aqua-island-wedding.html

I think this is perfect for a beach wedding...which I won't be having...but I still really enjoy the color palette.  Take out some of the orange and add in some yellow and this is something I would consider.


If I wanted to get married in the fall, I would totally go for something like this!

 

 

 

 

http://theperfectpalette.blogspot.com/2010/03/western-wedding-shades-of-orange-teal.html

 

 

 

Love it!  So rustic and rich and awesome.  If for some reason we end up having a DW, this will be a leading color palette.

What color palette puts your imagination into overdrive?

Very thankful indeed...

I haven't been good about coming here to blog!  I think there have just been so many thoughts racing through my mind that I couldn't figure out how to begin to get them out in coherent sentences.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  G. came here to spend the holiday with my family.  Lots of people came from out of town.  We made tons of delicious food, enjoyed a couple of hockey games and even got out to do some holiday shopping.

My big Thanksgiving wish came true!  G. *finally* talked to my Dad.  I knew this was something that would be a prelude to us getting engaged, and it was the big sign I was waiting for to reassure me that things were underway.

Permission has been granted, and much to my complete and utter shock all signs point to things happening before the end of the year!  I was totally resigned to waiting through the holidays, and now my heart is all aflutter with crazy anticipation.

I'm leaving bright and early Tuesday morning to venture back to the great white north.  From there G. and I will travel to his familys house in Texas.  Then I'll return home before the end of the year.  This could mean that sometime in that three week period my wait will come to an end!

It's left me feeling both incredibly excited and a little scared.  This will be the beginning of so many huge changes.  There's so much gravity to it all that it sort of overwhelms me when I think about it too much.  I've lived in the same city and surrounding suburbs since I was 4 years old, and in about a year I will be moving thousands of miles away to a city I have dreamt about living in.

It's a lot to process - absolutely amazing and almost too good to be true.

I really want to make sure I enjoy every minute of what's to come.  I'll be opening a whole new chapter of my life and saying goodbye to the place that's been my home for 26 years.

In a lot of ways, even though I am an "adult" I still frequently feel like a kid.  Part of it is still being in school, part of it is my personality I think.  Either way, moving forward with this huge step in life makes me feel very adult all of a sudden, and also really old.  Not in a bad way at all - I am very thankful and excited about what is to come.

So...I feel slightly more justified in my wedding daydreams.  The crazy part is that it may not be too long before I can be planning for real!