a little birdie told me

Once I came home from Texas, after I spent a few days feeling shell-shocked about my secret engagement, I realized I could begin what I had been waiting forever to start - the real deal, honest-to-goodness planning.

After months of pouring over blogs and posting on message boards, I found myself surprised with my lack of full-on inspiration.  I was overwhelmed.  I had no idea where to start.  The biggest issue for me was knowing what venue I wanted as my first choice.  There were lots of options that seemed ok, but nothing that jumped out at "the one I had to have."

The first step in starting to officially plan was attending the big bridal show in town.  On a gray and cold Saturday afternoon earlier this month, I trekked downtown with my mom for a wedding adventure.  The bridal show was amazing and overwhelming at the same time.  We sampled some cake and collected lots of information.

We came across the photographer that my sister had chosen and booked for her wedding.  We started chatting.  He was such a nice, friendly, approachable guy.  Not nearly as wedding-show-y as any of the other photographers I talked to.  The books of his work that he had brought with him were amazing.  I asked him if he knew of any cool new venues that I should check out, because I had yet to find something that I really loved.

He suggested that I check out the new Audubon Center in town.  That night, after we carried our bags of pamphlets and info home from the bridal show, I sat down at my computer and did some good ol' fashioned google research.

It took only a few moments after looking at the photos I found of the Audubon center for me to fall in love.  I immediately had goosebumps, and my mind started overflowing with ideas.  This was the place I had been looking for!

Since the building is new and there haven't been many weddings there yet, I haven't been able to find tons of photos.  The center is awesome, with tons of windows, great decks and cool architecture surrounded by 5 acres of beautiful nature and wetlands.  The bird sanctuary is home to all sorts of feathered friends, including bald eagles! There's also a great view of the city skyline on the North side of the building.


Here's a link to a wedding photographed by the very talented Aperture Photography at the Audubon Center.  It has a great indie vibe to it and really captures a lot of what I love about the venue.

Aperture Photography captures indie bliss at the Audubon

I made my way that next week to visit the center, and returned the following week with my mom.  She loves it just as much as I did! As we discovered that dates for Summer 2012 were already booking up, we made the decision, put down a deposit and booked the center for June 2, 2012.

Just like that I had my venue.  (!)

Of course, G. and I talked a lot about me booking the place before it was a done deal.  I wanted him to feel like he was a part of the decision, but knew I couldn't wait for his next visit here (which probably won't be until late March) to start booking things if I wanted to get my venue and vendors of choice.  He's excited about the Audubon, which makes me even more excited.  I can't wait to show it to him in person.

I'm beyond excited to have our wedding at the center.  I had been debating a bird related theme, and since the Audubon is a bird sanctuary that works out very nicely.  Building upon that I've expanded my theme to take cues from my favorite band of all time - Counting Crows (Yay!  More birds!!!)  We'll leave more exploration of that theme for another day, cause I could go on about them forever.

In addition to booking the venue, I met yesterday with the photographer who led me to the Audubon, the wonderful Adam Lowe, and secured him for our date.  It was awesome getting to sit down and chat with him and share my ideas and hear his.  I'm very excited to share my ideas with him and to see how he helps capture the day.

Things are taking shape and I feel invigorated.  For a while, during my blogging absence, I was feeling overwhelmed (and not in a good way) about not being able to find a venue I loved and it sort of took the wind out of my planning sails.  Now I feel like my ideas are starting to get more focused, and I'm slowly discovering my "bride-identity."  It's pretty darn cool.

...when I see of you, a blanket of stars covers me in my bed...

I think I've had my first big theme inspiration...

This is my first inspiration board, inspired by the Counting Crows album, This Desert Life, with liberal accents of succulents and feathered friends.

I'm finally feeling super inspired, and it's really exciting!  Hooray!

Long time...lots of news

Yikes... I totally fell off of my own blogging bandwagon!

It's a new year, and I am back...with lots to tell.


First things first - My holiday proposal.  I can happily report that it did in fact happen.  What I wasn't expecting is that it didn't go down at all like I had expected (of course, does it ever?) and even though I have a fiance (eeeek!!) I am still waiting.

Background - Going into the holidays, I knew G. had asked my parents for my hand in marriage and that his grandmothers ring was being sized for me.  I was told I could most likely expect a holiday proposal.
G. had told me several times that he feels that every woman should have a great story to tell about their engagement, and that he really wanted to give me the surprise of my life.

After arriving at his parents place and being around for a couple of days I got the sneaking suspicion that the proposal wasn't coming...and as if that wasn't making me sad enough, within the span of about 3 days, 5 of my friends got engaged.

I'm sad to confess, it pushed me over the edge a bit, and as much as I wanted to control myself, I couldn't hide my sadness very well.  I didn't say anything until we were falling asleep the night of the 23rd.,.I thought he was asleep, and as I was thinking about things, emotions overwhelmed me and I started to cry.  Well, he wasn't asleep after all, and of course immediately wanted to know what was wrong.  I tried to tell him it was just PMS but he wouldn't buy it, and simply said "I know we'll get married some day, and I am trying to be patient, but 5 of my friends just got engaged and it's got me a bit upset.  I'm being immature and jealous."
He was very understanding and said - I'll ask you to marry me right now if you want.  I love you and want you to be happy.  The ring is in the other room. (!)

I immediately pulled myself together, assured him everything was fine, and i could wait.  This of course got me thinking he did have something planned after all. So I waited some more.

Christmas eve and most of Christmas day passed and nothing happened.  I didn't really mind so much because I knew it would come eventually.  He was acting a little odd but I didn't think much of it,  We had a relaxing day, and around midnight started to get ready for bed.  When I came back from the bathroom, he told me to turn around and face away from him...

When I turned back to face him, there he was, down on one knee.  He simply said "I love you,  Will you marry me?"  There it was...his grandmothers ring.

I was stunned.  I said yes. We kissed and hugged.

I'm not going to lie - he had built things up to the point that I was expecting something major...I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed.  I was at least hoping that he would have something romantic to say.  Deep down, I knew though that having him as my husband was all the really mattered.

The ring:  The ring was another story all together.  When G. first told me he was using his grandma's ring, the first picture that came into my head was a yellow gold "grandma" ring.   Unfortunately, the ring was exactly what I had feared - a lovely round center stone smack dab in the middle of a chunky yellow gold ring with tons of baguettes that could only nicely be described as "an old lady ring."  More accurately it would be described as gaudy...and kinda awful.  I hate to admit this, but the first thing that came into my mind was, "OMG, I have to wear this ugly thing..."

I'm not proud of the fact that I couldn't fake it and act like this was my dream proposal and dream ring.  But I couldn't.  He had built things up so much I was woefully let down.  He could tell right away... and I felt even more horrible.

We talked about it, which was good.  He said he really wanted to plan something awesome but he saw how sad I was and wanted to make me happy.  He said that because I am Jewish, and Christmas hasn't ever really been that special to me that he wanted to propose on Christmas so that every Christmas in the future would be special to me.  He also said "My mom said I should get the stone reset...We can do that and make you a ring you like."

I realized in talking to him that I could get over it all...get the ring reset and more importantly I saw clearly that I loved him so much that that was all that mattered.  As we talked about it more, he became more and more upset...he was disappointed in himself...

So we came to this conclusion (that was his idea, not mine).  We're going to be unofficially engaged for the time being...we told our parents and our siblings, but we're not going to tell anyone else.  He's going to have time to (pressure free) plan a proposal that he is proud of, and get the stone reset in a setting that it more my taste.  He said "I really want to make your friends jealous of your proposal story and your ring." 

I guess, in a lot of ways it's the best of both worlds.  I feel so fortunate to have the man of my dreams...he cared so much about me that he wanted end my waiting sadness and give me happy Christmas memories.  Now he'll plan the surprise he wanted to plan, and I'll have a ring that I'll love.  I truly feel pretty bad that I couldn't control my sadness, but when I think about it objectively, I think that we really worked through this together and that it reflects a greater truth about how well we work as a couple.  It also has taught me a *VERY* important lesson about not caring so much about other peoples lives and timelines - we're going to do what is right for us, when it is right for us and that's what's really important.

I know that some people may not think very highly of me for expressing to him that I didn't like the ring (in my defense, he said something first...and even he said it was an old lady ring), but it's not like I rejected his proposal.

In addition to talking about re-setting the ring, G. also gave me the green light to go ahead with planning.  Hooray!!!

So here I am, unofficially engaged...and still waiting to a certain degree.  I picked out my setting of choice shortly after arriving home and gave G. all the details.  I haven't said one peep about it since then, so I am hoping when I go to visit him again over Valentine's day that I may be surprised with a nice sparkly ring!

Here's the setting I chose - I simple solitaire style from Precision Set with channel accents.  I can't wait to see what it looks like with G.'s family stone in it. (And on my finger to boot!)

More to follow about the beginning of my official planning!  Hooray!

The Green-Eyed-MOH-Montster

As obsessed as I am with my own potential nuptials, there has been another wedding that hasn't been far from my mind over the past 9 months. I am currently serving as MOH for my little sister, J. 

Her wedding will be in the fall of 2011, and her planning is just really getting underway.  Since I've been to numerous weddings and she and her fiance have only been to a couple, I am giving them lots of input (when they ask for it of course!) about what I have seen at other weddings, what worked, and what didn't.

I love my sister dearly.  I think her fiance is wonderful and that they will have a very happy life together.  I can't wait to be a part of their wedding and look back on it for years to come.

However, I have a dark secret to admit.  I wasn't always so excited about this.  I'm not very proud of the story I'm about to tell, but I think it is something that many waiting girls have to deal with, and since I've mustered some more insight and maturity over the past months, I feel comfortable sharing this.

Right around this time last year, I found out that my sister would probably be getting engaged soon.  We didn't know exactly when, but my mom alerted me to the fact it was coming sooner as opposed to later.

I lost it.  Like tears, and gut wrenching sadness lost it.  I sat there thinking to myself "I am the older sister.  I am supposed to go first.  It's supposed to be my thing to do first."  I was so firmly implanted in my own misery I couldn't bring myself to be happy for my sister.  The thought of her getting engaged, and therefor getting married before me brought out this intense, visceral reaction.

Completely irrational?  Yes.  Immature?  You betcha!  Could I control it?  Not so much.

I forgot about things for a little while, but then when my sister actually got engaged in mid-March, all the feelings returned.  Yes, I was able to put on a happy face, and tell her I was so excited for her (which I was) and accept her invitation to be her Maid of Honor, but inside my heart was breaking.  I don't know why but it really made me feel like a failure.  I selfishly concluded that her being engaged first would somehow reflect poorly on me.  I don't know where the feelings came from, but once they reared their ugly head, it was increasingly difficult to quiet them down.

Of course, I am not delusional.  I know I was being extremely petty and jealous.  Not to mention self centered.  It became consuming, I was having trouble concentrating on other things.  I would break down in tears.  I knew it couldn't continue.  I had to find a way to make sense of these feelings and move beyond my jealousy and immaturity.

I ended up having a talk with my sister about things.  I wanted to let her know that I was very happy for her and supported her, but that this was also very hard for me in some ways.  She was very understanding, which I appreciated.

Over the next couple of months, I kept my composure.  The sadness remained, but thankfully started to diminish.  I was able to have some constructive conversations with G. about our own engagement timeline.  And although I am still waiting, I was able to come to terms with it a bit more in the months that followed.  I focused on quietly allowing myself to daydream and pre-plan, and convinced myself that it would all work out for the best.

I am getting to benefit in some ways - I'm going to tastings and meetings with my sister, so I'm learning a lot about how things are done.  I'm able to keep a mental list of the caterers and dj's and photographers she likes so that when I am doing my planning, I can use this knowledge to help me.

Yes, I am going to have to wait longer because of this - I'll have to allow enough time after her wedding, before mine - but I am feeling much more zen about it than I was.  Learning of my sister's engagement brought out something really ugly in me, and I am certainly not proud of it.  I am glad I recognized how crazy I was being and tried to change it.  I certainly don't want to look back on this exciting time for my family and think that I wasted it by being so upset over something so silly.

thinking spring things

Unlike some of my fellow waiting ladies, I don't have a specific date in mind for us to get married.  I do have specific thoughts about seasons though.  I think I'd most like to get married in the spring ,when you can be outside without it being too hot and when everything gets all nice and green again.  I love the romance of spring, and I think the season would go well with the other images I have in mind.

When it comes to color, I alternate between a couple of general color palettes.  I found this amazing website called The Perfect Palette that has all sorts of great inspiration boards for any color palette you can imagine, and it's led me to thinking toward two different schemes.

All pictures in this thread are examples from Perfect Palette - not my own!  :)

First there's the very pastel, romantic route...

Source: The Perfect Palette

I love this combination of the aqua blue and the pale spring green.  I *love* green flowers - especially things like green roses and orchids.  This palette is clean and fresh and seems perfect for a spring ceremony.


Next is something a little brighter...

http://theperfectpalette.blogspot.com/2010/07/orange-aqua-island-wedding.html

I think this is perfect for a beach wedding...which I won't be having...but I still really enjoy the color palette.  Take out some of the orange and add in some yellow and this is something I would consider.


If I wanted to get married in the fall, I would totally go for something like this!

 

 

 

 

http://theperfectpalette.blogspot.com/2010/03/western-wedding-shades-of-orange-teal.html

 

 

 

Love it!  So rustic and rich and awesome.  If for some reason we end up having a DW, this will be a leading color palette.

What color palette puts your imagination into overdrive?

Very thankful indeed...

I haven't been good about coming here to blog!  I think there have just been so many thoughts racing through my mind that I couldn't figure out how to begin to get them out in coherent sentences.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  G. came here to spend the holiday with my family.  Lots of people came from out of town.  We made tons of delicious food, enjoyed a couple of hockey games and even got out to do some holiday shopping.

My big Thanksgiving wish came true!  G. *finally* talked to my Dad.  I knew this was something that would be a prelude to us getting engaged, and it was the big sign I was waiting for to reassure me that things were underway.

Permission has been granted, and much to my complete and utter shock all signs point to things happening before the end of the year!  I was totally resigned to waiting through the holidays, and now my heart is all aflutter with crazy anticipation.

I'm leaving bright and early Tuesday morning to venture back to the great white north.  From there G. and I will travel to his familys house in Texas.  Then I'll return home before the end of the year.  This could mean that sometime in that three week period my wait will come to an end!

It's left me feeling both incredibly excited and a little scared.  This will be the beginning of so many huge changes.  There's so much gravity to it all that it sort of overwhelms me when I think about it too much.  I've lived in the same city and surrounding suburbs since I was 4 years old, and in about a year I will be moving thousands of miles away to a city I have dreamt about living in.

It's a lot to process - absolutely amazing and almost too good to be true.

I really want to make sure I enjoy every minute of what's to come.  I'll be opening a whole new chapter of my life and saying goodbye to the place that's been my home for 26 years.

In a lot of ways, even though I am an "adult" I still frequently feel like a kid.  Part of it is still being in school, part of it is my personality I think.  Either way, moving forward with this huge step in life makes me feel very adult all of a sudden, and also really old.  Not in a bad way at all - I am very thankful and excited about what is to come.

So...I feel slightly more justified in my wedding daydreams.  The crazy part is that it may not be too long before I can be planning for real!

All a-buzz for my fellow bees!

Having been a waiting lady, pre-occupied with pre-planning, I've logged a lot of hours over the past 6 months or so, perusing the immense, extensive, and highly detailed amount of wedding planning information on the internet.

I'd known about The Knot for quite some time, pretty much ever since my first childhood friend got married around 6 years ago.  I'd visit there occasionally over the years, just for fun, or when I needed to consult the gift registries of various friends, but I never really spent a lot of time there.  The information and pictures seemed to remain pretty much the same over time.  I needed more to sate my wedding appetite!

As a total newbie, I figured there must be some good wedding blogs out there.  Simple google searches led me to Green Wedding Shoes and Style Me Pretty among many others.  Just by chance, I clicked on a link to Weddingbee and there I found not only an imformative and fun blog full of posts from all sorts of women, but also an incredibly active message board community.  Jackpot!

I'm a self-proclaimed internet junkie, and I love getting involved in online forums.  This awesome "hive" of Bees seemed like a great place to get involved.  As I lurked for a while at first, I saw evidence of the community of posters, sharing ideas and thoughts, helping each other through hard decisions and celebrating with each other.  I figured I would wait to register an account until I was "officially" planning a wedding...no one would take me seriously as a gal without a ring.  What could I possibly add to the community without being engaged and planning?

It was there that I was very wrong.  Weddingbee has a place just for girls like me - it's their Waiting board.  A location specifically designed for women who aren't engaged yet, but have caught the wedding bug, or are maybe just looking for a little support.  There's a great deal of anxiety, self-doubt, and frustration that comes with this territory, and the Waiting board is a great antidote to the insanity.  I'd grown embarrassed about bitching and whining to my close friends and family.  They wanted me to shut up about it, I wanted to shut up about it, but the word vomit just wouldn't stop.  The Waiting board has given me, and many other women a place to come, and under the veil of internet anonymity spill their guts and vent. 

Every weekend, I look forward to seeing if any of my fellow Waitng Bees get engaged.  I smile at their romantic proposal stories, and even tear up from time to time.  I feel genuinely happy when these strangers that I have never and probably will never meet finally get to say they are engaged to the man of their dreams.

Most of all, it's just nice to know that I'm not crazy - that other women feel this way too.  It's not something society really "accepts" per se, so I am very thankful to know that I have a place to go that helps to ease my waiting blues.